


To trace a heartbeat

by Jeageractive



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Almost everyone's filthy rich, And Brand loyalty, Dystopia, M/M, Soulmates, Too much brand names, sort of, soulbinding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-02
Updated: 2015-01-09
Packaged: 2018-02-22 00:59:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2488562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeageractive/pseuds/Jeageractive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The fragile boy in Gucci denims and other overpriced articles of clothing shouldn't haunt him so much. He coughs in class, and Eren's chest shoots with pain, he wheezes at night, and Eren's sleep is taken away from him.</p><p>He touches him, though, and blood finally rushes underneath the pale surface of his skin.</p><p>(Discontinued)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ghost

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone was doing soulmate Au's I got jealous :(

Ackerman. As soon as his lips formulated the name, Eren turned his head to the window and rolled his eyes. His Ralph Lauren polo, Gucci jeans, and goody two shoes hair cut instantly gave him away. It was enough that he had to live through this school misplaced, where everyone was the child of a celebrity. Hell, probably a kid with a last name "Pitt" strolled around these very halls, who knew. It was a private academy overpopulated with spoiled brats, and none other than the son of a rumored mafia boss had to be in his class. 

"Is that a Tommy Hilfiger sweater? What, you live in dollar store?" Who the fuck asks if it's T.H then assumes it's from dollar store? These fucking kids had issues, they frowned on his Calvin Klein apparel. So he officially gave them all the cold shoulder, minus a very small minimum. 

And this new ghostly addition probably carried a gun around. His adoptive father was goddamn Kenny Ackerman. Really, though, the kid looked tapped dry of blood. He briefly met Eren's gaze, occupied a desk on the other side of the room. Eren soon forgot about him.

For the rest of the day, a small lingering feeling of tiredness bummed him out. Occasionally, his chest would sting in pain. Funny feelings that were slight but he weren't used to. They met in one other class along the way, making Eren spend half of his school day with this potential brat. He coughed a lot. 

In correspondence, Eren's chest would clench in pain. He laughed it off in his head. 

A cough. A twinge in his chest. A series of coughs, and his pulse drowned out the world. He swallowed and stared ahead. 

Carla still had the courtesy to ask about his day.

"What do you think."

"I think that the school isn't the issue."

" _Mom_." He unintentionally whines."Do you even know who the new transfer student is? Freaking Levi Ackerman."

"Ooh." She teased, and he wanted to break something."Remember what you said about Mikasa?"

"Mikasa was a misunderstanding. Coincidence. This one _screams_ Ackerman. I can almost smell his pompous cologne, mom."

"Eren, please."

Eren stomps up the stairs, _then_ breaks something. Someone needed to take him fucking seriously in this house. He sullenly sat in bed sulking for a good hour.

A familiar twinge of pain in his chest made him go rigid. He probably coughed. 

No, what the fuck? That's stupid to think.

Eren reconsiders when the pain in his chest suffocates him all night. He rolls around his bed and fidgets so much, angrily bites into his pillow, but it still fucking hurts. He clanks around the kitchen in the dark like a zombie, swallowing a painkiller and plopping in a chair at the dining table. He falls asleep there, gets a good fussing from his mother. 

It's _really_ not a good time for Jean to get a mood swing. At first, it looked like he was preparing to eat up a dumb giggly female pressed up against a locker, and Eren grimaces in distaste at the display so early in the morning. He lost whatever appetite he had left.

But then it became apparent that there were no giggles--just murderous whispers of "Go the fuck away", and Eren rolled up his sleeves before he even figured out the slightest about the situation.

"Why should I?" Jean all but purred, and Eren noticed the Ackerman he'd bitched about all day weakly trying to shove him off. A surge of anger overtook him out of nowhere, and his fist was already connecting with Jean's jaw in the time it took him to yank him back. 

"What the fuck?" The taller reaches for his collar just as Eren fists a hand in his hair, and he stops himself from kneeing him into oblivion with the reminder of _one more bloody nose and you're expelled._

Jean's jaw is already blooming red and his expression is seething."Who the fuck pissed in your bowl of cereal, you penniless mutt?"

"Shut the fuck up before I get us both expelled, fucker."

"You gonna snitch? Who believes you?"

"You're trying to answer to a fucking mafia boss, aren't you." 

Jean's anger falters momentarily, and so does the grip in Eren's shirt. He's pushed back indignantly, Jean bulling past him with a bruised ego. Eren glowers at his back until he disappears around the hallway, giving the boy a once over."Sorry about that, he can be a douche at times."

The raven sends him an unreadable gaze, pointedly fixing his disheveled shirt. Eren wasn't looking for a sign of gratitude or anything, but the way he was being treated looked intentional.

He steadily brushes past him without a word, and Eren stand there in confusion. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might take this down or something


	2. Definitely not Ebola

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks guys for encouraging me ;-;

Eren was confused, and Armin had always been the one to make things more confusing, but at least he does it in an understanding way.

"Just a minute." He mumbled, fixing his glasses and almost pushing his nose inside his book. Eren groaned up a storm and poised his feet against the couch armrest while the blonde finished his paragrah."Okay." He shuts his book and looks up."You were saying?"

"You know that new kid?"

"Levi Ackerman? Yeah, he's in my calculus class." Armin nods.

"Calculus? For fuck's sake." He sighed. Armin and Mikasa were on the same boat he was, middle classed kids in a snobby academy. But they made up for it with brains--Armin sometimes got bullied, yeah, but Mikasa was downright terrifying. Good marks and fatal karate chops.

All he did was punch Jean in the face twice a week, and if he doesn't, then it's like he forgot to play LOL for a day."What's wrong with him?"

"I don't know." Armin blinks thoughtfully."Looks alright to me."

"He just--" Eren fruitlessly begins, brow furrowing in frustration."Triggers me, I guess."

He earned a snort from Mikasa, still immersed in her worksheet as she lounged back in her chair. The noise echoed in the quiet of the enormously shelved library, the place oddly empty for a change. Even the librarian wasn't tapping away at her desk for some reason.

"But everyone triggers you." Armin ventures, a gleam in the small sliver of a smile that tugged at his lips. True, everyone did, except for Armin. The little fucker had huge baby eyes that were emphasized with his over sized glasses, a grin lined with braces, and the baggy "mandatory" blazer. You'd think there would be a uniform, but when the entire army of spoiled brats disagrees, the school can't go against it. Armin, though. _Man_ , Armin.

"Not as in--ticks me off. He gives me health issues."

This time, they both crack up, armin's shoulders shaking, Mikasa hiding her grin behind her textbook. Eren narrows his eyes and throws a pencil at Mikasa's head. She hit him back with it."You guys are _so_ helpful."

"I'm sorry, Eren." Armin subdues his last snickers."But I mean--"

"He's sick."

"I know. What does that have to do with you?"

Eren blinks at Armin for a moment. He throws his head back and mulls over how stupid that sounded."It's like, every time he coughs my chest would hurt."

"You don't have that much sympathy." Mikasa says, finally giving him a glance.

"Exactly. I don't. So?"

"Is he getting to your wittle gay heart?"

"Mikasa, _seriously_."

"Okay. Fine." She sighs."Armin, help him out."

Armin blinked out of his small trance, fingers fumbling together in thought."Bell's about to ring, how about we go get ready for class?"

"Maybe I should start my homework." Eren mumbles, and Armin's pulling him off the couch.

"Eren, you can't fail physics again--"

"Oh, yes I can."

Armin sighed in exasperation."You _shouldn't_."

"Mom." Eren's eyes were elsewhere, idle as he puled out a tab of gum from his pocket. He watched as girls in ~~hooker~~ boots and designer dresses strutted around their lockers, the early morning chatter buzzing in his ears and bothering him."Look, it's him."

"Yeah, okay."

Eren watched the raven, a few lockers down from his, slinging a leather Prada backpack over a shoulder, grabbing his English textbook. Armin kept pestering him about his staring."Does he have tuberculosis?"

"Are you stupid?" Armin shoots back."We'd all be dead by now if he did."

"I'm pretty sure it's some blood related issue." The brunet muses as he unlocks his locker, shamelessly continuing his fest of scrutiny while Levi pretended he was unaware."Leukemia, maybe?"

"Eren, I'm starting to lose faith in you. He has asthma."

"But asthma--"

"Shh, he can hear you."

"No he can't." Eren plays with his bangs, eyes on the small mirror in his locker."Maybe it's asthma and something else."

Despite the loud morning noises, the slam of a locker rung clear, and Eren cast his gaze back on Levi questioningly.

"I didn't ask for a diagnosis." He says, tone leaving no room for additions. _Shit_. This is Eren screwing up twice with the dude that controls his chest pains. He gives him a dismayed once over before walking off, the hallway hushed.

Eren wanted to hide under the loads of eyes directed his way, feeling uneasy to be put under the spotlight like that.

"That was rude, Eren." Armin whispered when the chatter picked up again. 

"Well I'm _sorry_. Excuse me for saving his ass from horseface yesterday and enduring an entire night without sleep because his throat itches."

Armin blinked at him, accustomed to his unnecessary anger."What did you say?"

"Jean was--"

"No, I mean about you not sleeping."

"I don't know." Eren huffs."This is all stupid. I can't believe I'm actually associating it with him."

Armin went quiet again. So fucking helpful.

-

English in the morning, Physics last. Eren sits in a corner and watches him for a good percentage of English. He kinda feels like a creep, kinda doesn't care if he is. The guy chooses to ignore him, even though Eren knows that _he_ knows that he's being watched. 

Because he tuned out Ms. Dreyse the entire time, he cringed when he heard a 'partner up', since he was always the odd one out in the end anyway. He wished Armin and him had taken this class the same semester. 

"Eren?" She says, and he just rolls his eyes. Bitch knew why, but always asked like she was so innocent.

"Individual."

"I strictly emphasized this as a partner project."

 _Sorry, I wasn't listening to your bullshit,_ he doesn't say.

A sigh."Levi dear, do you mind?"

Eren glances at the said raven and notices that he was alone, too. Fuckitty fuck. 

"I do." He says, and Eren almost gasps in offense, but hey, why should he? Feeling's mutual.

"Oh, I'm sorry." She cooes."I said this was a partner project. So it _will_ be a partner project."

Eren picks up his books and drags a chair by Levi's desk, jaw locked in annoyance. They stared at anything but each other as the rubric was handed out. 

Eren couldn't help but stare him down again from this proximity as the other scans the piece of paper.

"I was thinking Edgar Allan poe." Eren is surprised to hear him speak.

"Huh?"

He fixes Eren with a look that makes him feel stupid."For the project."

"Yeah, sure." The brunet shrugs a shoulder, pretends to read off of his sheet. "Oh, the mentally disturbed dude?"

Levi gives him another look."Is that how you write your papers?"

"Definitely." Eren grins."Dreyse likes my originality."

"I do want to get through this course. So I'm going to ask you to not use that language in your paper."

"Is your father really Kenny Ackerman?" Eren blurts before he can stop himself, and in turn his pale jaw clenched.

"Why do stick your nose in everything?"

"Sorry, I'm just...curious."

"It doesn't matter if I'm the son of a mafia boss or if I have Ebola, what is it to you?"

"Did you have an asthma attack at night yesterday?" Eren asks before his anger gets the better of him. Levi looks shocked, sharply eyes him again.

"How would you know?"

"Because I couldn't get a fucking hour of sleep last night." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, this isn't a hate to love fic, this is a 'Eren needs to learn some fucking sensitivity and Levi needs to learn how to trust' fic. Like, they're going to go soft for each other in one more chapter.


	3. Flutter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sacrebleu, motherfucka"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hope you've come to the realization that this is a mutual feelings and physical connections sort of soulmate thingy (also probably some vague and uncontrolled telepathy later on)
> 
> Um, yeah, enjoy *muah*

Eren hated being kept hanging.

They continued on their project after Eren learned the guy was brilliantly professional when it came to aversion, exchanged phone numbers reluctantly and stiffly worked over the phone, and it wasn't like Eren had just told him in a matter of a day he'd fucked him up--he ignored it like a jerk. Sometimes, the line would muffle in a series of coughs.

Levi stays silent for a moment afterwards, asking a wordless question. Did it hurt again?

 _You know it did_ , Eren would bitterly think. He laughed at himself for having these mental conversations with Levi. For a moment, it looked like he did have a bit of an imagination.

There were times when Levi completely mimics his thought process and says something straight out of Eren's mind. It left him shuddering after he ends a call.

"How much of the Prezi is done?"

Eren lounges back in his bed, huffing in exasperation. "Didn't start on it." He says with ease, too used to the mild scoldings of his two closest friends. 

"What?" Levi says, tone incredulous."It's due _tomorrow_." 

"And?" Eren shrugs."It's not the end of the world."

"How long have we been working on this? Two weeks? You said you were doing it as we go along."

"Whatever, I'll start on it tonight."

"No. You will get your lazy ass up right now, finish it in two hours. If you come tomorrow like the dead and present like the dead, don't expect me to be nice."

"Oh, damn." Eren says with a roll of his eyes, partially unused to this sort of tone."I would be so surprised, since, you know, you're always nice and chipper."

"Eren."

The brunet stops, despite himself, eyes locking aimlessly on a spot by his feet. He could hear his pulse thudding in his ears, could see the flutter of his chest as his heart pounded if he lay still enough.

It wasn't normal, no, It wasn't."Okay." He says simply, removing the device from his ear and ending the call. They hadn't really had the chance to verbally exchange names--hadn't got comfortable enough to, anyway. It shouldn't make him feel this way to hear it, like something was brewing up in his insides and his breath was stolen away from him.

He clutches the front of his shirt, a prickle under his skin. This was fucking weird. 

-

Eren stayed up playing LOL till four in the morning, had texted Levi a reassuring, _finished it :D_ at ten pm like his casual lies. He started losing his ability to keep his eyes open and realized he'd better fucking start.

He made himself a cup of coffee, fell asleep on his laptop keyboard.

He kept on dozing off on either Mikasa or Armin's shoulder in the library, for once despising how early he had to come to school and the gap between arrival and classes. Sandwiched between the two on the couch comfortably, lulled to sleep by the quietness and Mikasa idly stroking the top of his head, he was quite comfortable. Until Armin jabbed him in the side and made him groan.

"Come on, Eren, I'm a thousand percent sure you have some homework to finish. This is your homework time, get up."

"I'm _done_." He slurs sleepily, burying his face deeper in the ravenette's shoulder and clawing at her arm so she'd help him with this sleep gobbler."I swear."

"Yeah, right."

"What do you think I stayed up all night for, huh?" 

"Leave him alone, Armin." Mikasa hums, eyes on her book.

Eren dozes off again. Armin shakes him awake."Fuck you, Armin. I swear to mother Teresa I finished. Levi was up all night text screaming at me. I don't need you too."

"Texting?" Mikasa whips her head down, and Eren slaps his forehead. There goes his sleep. 

"Fuck."

-

Jean came fitted that day in more bling than usual, excessive amounts of bullshit stuffed into his mouth and red bills tucked into his wallet, and Eren dumped three pills of Advil in his over espresso punched starbuck's coffee, right in front of Levi's eyes. The guy nearly had a heart attack, but Eren just eyed him from the corner of vision as he chucked it down with no remorse. See, he wasn't _that_ cheap. He still bought starbuck's, still came to school in Converse and Adidas, still was the son of an experienced surgeon.

But the rule was, if you didn't come in Versace printed sweaters, Gucci etched on your ass, Prada on your shoulders, and dishing out money like it was nobody's business, then you're the poor unfortunate soul.

Eren wished, Jean, at least, was a bit more of his class, so the brawls would be equal. It didn't really stop him from knocking the fucker's teeth out when necessary. 

He tried his hardest to present his part like he was undead. Miss bitchy Hitchy actually looked pleased for once. Levi looked appalled with their mark."Ninety _eight_?"

"Holy shit, for real?" Eren gapes at the paper in his hand."Damn. I'm totally gonna make it out of this class."

Levi stared at him like he was stupid."Why the fuck did we get a ninety eight?"

"How the fuck did we?" Eren snickers, ignoring his grieving. Sorry buddy for that unimportant stolen two percent. 

Armin finally stopped nagging him for the day."Jeez, we would've brought Levi sooner if we knew he'd conform you so fast."

Eren pointedly flipped his hair, repeating the motion several times till he got a light smack. He grabbed some fancy food from the cafeteria and joined his friends again. Biting into his sandwich, he idly let his gaze wander around, settling for a now familiar small figure standing by the caf entrance. 

Levi eyed the place for a moment, lips thinning as he played with a backpack strap. He seemed conflicted, like he wanted to come in but every time his eyes settled on the typical groups around each table, all fitting and belonging in a little system, he retreated a step.

Eren wiped a corner of his mouth, waved at him when he met his gaze. Levi blinked and remained still, unsure."Come over here." Eren calls, catching Armin and Mikasa's attention.

It takes him another second, as if to brace himself, but then he lowers his gaze and cuts through the cafeteria. Eren notices the looks he gets, the whispers. If anything, they were admiring, finally found something interesting to gossip about.

Sasha had literally came up to him yesterday to chatter about the "new dainty kid". Someone told her his dad locked him up all his life or something, gave him this pale complexion. Eren laughed so fucking hard. Their rumors were downright absurd, and considerably irritating. 

"Hey. Why don't you ever come to the cafeteria?" Eren begins conversationally, proud to say it wasn't a mere attempt. He could strike a relatively casual conversation every now and then.

He shrugs a shoulder."Too crowded in here."

Eren nods, notices the staring happening between two parties."Oh, right. I don't think you've been properly introduced before."

"I know Armin." Levi points out, and Eren tries not to pout.

"Yeah, okay. Well this is Mikasa. Mikasa, this is Levi."

Armin grinned that cute metal infested grin, emitted a small greeting. Mikasa raked him up and down with her eyes and Eren cringed."Hey there." She finally manages, and he breathes.

"Sit down, gosh." Eren grumbles, pushing the chair across from him back with his foot. Levi sits down a bit stiffly, tosses his bag by his feet. A bit of an awkward silence ensued.

Levi coughed into a hand. Eren's eyes darted around the table as he felt his friend's gaze on him, at the same time trying to accommodate the pang in his chest. It was almost like Levi felt guilty for a second.

Eren inwardly kicked himself for assuming that. He hadn't looked at his expression, saw any gesture that would indicate that. Something just--told him that, Levi feels a bit guilty.

Fuck, this had to stop.

Armin was a life saver."So, how's moving schools?" He says with a friendly smile.

Levi looks down, scratches his jaw."I was home schooled before."

They nodded in collective 'ohhh's of understanding."I can't imagine being home schooled." The blond muses."But that's just me."

"I couldn't imagine attending a real school." Levi counters, running a finger along the handle of his water bottle."I got used to staying at home."

"I think I got the wrong image." Eren hums, looking up."Like, snooty butler with a stick up his ass, teaching you le etiquitte of the something something francais cuisine." He drawls with an accent, Armin giggling.

Levi's lips slightly twitch. Eren's heart flutters, but it's a different feeling. 

"I would've been offended, you know. Not like I hadn't been living in France for my entire life or anything."

"Ooh." Armin sits up straighter in his seat, Eren practically drapes himself over the table.

"So the Le Francaisness just intensified. Sacrebleu, mother fucka."

Mikasa snorted this time.

Levi just gave Eren a blatantly displeased gaze that questioned his maturity. Eren grinned, tried to gather up all the rest of his stereotypical French knowledge."Why aren't you in a striped chemise, mon cheri?"

"I'm still, not offended or anything, courtesy of your friend there." Levi says, and Armin gives Eren a good elbow.

"Seriously, Eren. Half of the things you said are completely irrelevant to France." Armin gives Levi an apologetic gaze."He obviously doesn't know French."

"Course I do." Eren brattily snaps.

"Tell me what mon cheri means, then." Armin challenges. Eren's upper lip quirks up in mock thought.

"I don't know like, cherry man? Isn't man mon or something? Yeah?" He nods, Levi shakes his head as Armin cracks up."What does it mean?"

"It's not too bad." Levi says, and Eren narrows his eyes in between the two. He hated being pushed out of the picture. 

"You suck."


	4. Firsts

They didn't start off really well, but pretty quickly, they spent a lot more time together than they would've wanted to. In class and school related things, breaks in between classes, locker time. Eren found the guy quite tolerable _—_ strangely alluring, too. First of all _—_ there was the unspoken and strange connection between them, that at this point, they were both acutely aware of, but unwilling to dwell on. And in all honesty, Eren just wanted to figure what was his problem. Why he was so standoffish, so sick, so fucking rich and the first to dislike it, too. 

He also felt severely intrigued by trivial things about him, like how he never ordered tea or whatever in those vintage china cups all the fancy smanchy shits preferred, or that he always ordered his drinks without sugar and never touched chocolate.

Eren was a bit _too_ curious. 

Since he walked back home, he decided to sit with Levi and wait till that 'fucktard Auruo', hauled his ass over practically everyday. The guy seemed to be typically late, so Eren found himself sitting with him often out by the enormous white Victorian gates, the sun mercilessly beating down on them as water rhythmically trickled down the fountain behind them. 

"Who's Auruo?" Eren asked idly as Levi nearly smashed his iPhone in preparation to scream at this tardy dude.

"My lazy ass chauffeur. I've been stuck with him all my life, and he wakes up at three every single fucking day if I don't go kick him out of bed."

Eren laughed, tiredly falling back against his backpack, the sun's glare hitting him in the face."You guys have a _chauffeur_."

"Loads. Of all the fucking dimwits I get _him_ assigned for life. Erd is the only decent one, honestly. Petra dotes over me too much. Gunther gives me weird stares." He huffs in exasperation, and Eren gazed at him to see if he'd be translucent in the bright sun. Stupid thought.

A gust of wind blows by, ruffling his neatly groomed head. To Eren's utter dismay it fell right back in place. He coughed a bit, countered Eren's gaze."What're you looking me at for?"

"I do that. Critically eye the rich kids."

" _Rich_ kids. We're not one assimilated collective."

"You're the first." Eren says with a lopsided grin, and Levi gives him a quizzical look. He was going to say the first rich kid that hated his life _—_ but reconsidered. He was a lot more firsts, to be honest.

The brunet is a bit surprised and embarrassed to find him holding his gaze longer, eyes growing in scrutiny by the second."Something on my face?" 

"Hmm." He blinks, and he figures it out."You have Heterochromia." 

"Uh..." Eren flushes, unable to comprehend how he was able to see it. He quickly sits back up and in a gesture of discomfort rubs the back of his neck."Unfortunately."

"It's not obvious." Levi continues."But once you see it, it is."

"Weird, huh?"

"No."

Eren casts his gaze back on him. That. _That_ was a first.

"Gold. Small little flecks, but screaming gold. I think it's pretty fucking extraordinary." 

Before Eren can bask and die in that little moment of 'oh my fucking god what do I even say to that', the screech of tires saves his ass.

The window of a silver, to drool for Porsche 918 that definitely wasn't Levi's car yesterday rolls down to reveal an unnecessarily condescending face."Get in, little shit."

"What'd you call me, you old fart?" Levi seethes as he grabs his backpack.

"I'll call you whatever the hell I want, now get in, I don't have all day."

"I'm going to fucking fire your useless ass." He haughtily yanks the door open with surprising strength, throws his backpack in the man's face. Eren hides a laugh behind his hand and waves at him as he drives off.

"Pretty fucking extraordinary." He mumbled, getting up and dragging himself across the sidewalk. He steamed the entire walk back home, incoherent and flustered by the time he stepped inside.

-

"Armin. If you don't stop staring at me like that in another second, I swear."

The addressed blond didn't move his eyes from an aggravated Eren, gears in his brain practically visible as they cranked in thought. He was almost getting to the breakdown stage, the rare occasion he over thinks, finds no solution, and falls in a state of utter devastation. It usually took him weeks to reach his terminal, though.

His brow furrowed, his eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his glasses.

Eren gave Mikasa a nudge, where she sprawled on is bed and screwed over his laptop. She lifted the headphones back around her neck, stared at Armin in perplexity when Eren motioned towards him."We getting to an Armin crisis moment?"

"Yeah, pretty soon."

His eye twitched, as if on cue. He then released the signature devastated cry, held his head with his hands, and folded in half.

"Yo, dude, calm your tits. You're not Einstein."

"But it's impossible _—_ "

"What is?"

"The impossibility in it's self! I simply can't let it materialize in the form of _—Nooooooo."_

Mikasa sighed in a 'heere we go again' manner.

"I read the wrong book, I read the wrong book, I always read the wrong _books_." He grieved some more, and Eren snatched his backpack, tried to figure out this 'wrong book' as he shuffled through his weekly collection. Biocentrism? Not likely. Shakespeare bullshit. Half of the titles he couldn't even identify."Pfft, the golden ass."

"Not _that_ kind of ass."

Eren snickered anyway. The last book was leather worn and old looking, and he stared at the blank cover curiously, at the equally faded and empty browns of the back."Hey, this thing has no title." He opened it to the first page. Armin promptly snatched it from him.

"You don't want to know."

"Ha." He gave Mikasa a look."I found his porn."

"Eren, I'm _serious_."

Eren composed himself and tried to sober up."What did it say? Oppressive bonds or something."

Armin gives him a look, troubled and confused and all the negatives."It's about soulbinding."

Gasps."Taboo, Armin."

"How did you even land your hands on this book?" Eren quickly shuffles to his door, peeks around it. He then quickly locks it and skids back beside him."Armin? What the fuck do you think you're—"

"I _know_ , I'm sorry." He muttered with a pout."I found it in grandpa's study."

"Don't you ever learn, for the love of Maria." MIkasa rolled over and plopped down beside him, and he gave his friends looks of discomfort.

"I had to."

"No you didn't."

"Well, I've been thinking a lot about Eren's problem and this just—unfortunately has all the answers. And they make sense. They _shouldn't_ make sense. It's supposed to be a myth."

"If it were a myth, then it shouldn't be such a touchy and prohibited topic. They obviously have something to fear." Mikasa says thoughtfully, and Eren looks severely confused.

"What? What is? What myth?"

"You're thicker than this book, Eren, it's a fact."

"Eren." 

Armin scrambled for his backpack when he heard Eren's mother, paling as he shoved the book inside his bag with shaky fingers. 

Eren unlocks his door."Y-yeah?"

"I made you something to eat, quit starving your friends."

"Kay."

Armin takes a minute to pass out on the floor from fright before they trudged downstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's make things complicated. LAW is complicated.
> 
> DYSTOPIA is complicated.


	5. This bitter taste

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi makes a Touka sacrifice.
> 
> *le gasp* MAYBE HE'S A GHOUL  
> DON'T QUOTE MEH THO

After school waiting time was now officially and unconsciously bonding time, as Eren enjoyed the casual outings and pestering Levi about his life. Bless that tardy chauffeur for taking so long.

Eren was nibbling an Oreo he'd neglected at lunch, persistently trying to make Levi eat one. He didn't budge. He did, however, give him a look of dismay when he separated the cookies and licked the cream."Quit staring at me like that. You never had an Oreo before?"

Levi shook his head, setting his eyes back forward towards no particular object. Eren gasped."You've never had an Oreo before."

"You already said that." 

"But? Like, how?"

The raven rolled his eyes, threw a glance at his wrist watch."Why do I have to go through this?"

"Here." Eren pulled another cookie from his ziplock bag, separated them again and handed Levi the one with the cream stuck to it.

Levi stared at it with the corners of his lips drawn down. Eren flicked it to the side and made a falling bomb shell noise."Death by a heavenly Oreo."

"Quit it."

"Eat it."

He looked pained for another moment, reached out to take and put his hand back. Eren pressed it to his lips with a giggle and Levi finally snatched it away, hunching and giving the brunet a sideways glare.

Eren rested his weight on one arm, blinking his eyelashes rapidly at the raven."Well?"

Giving it one last ambivalent glance, he seemed to take a risk and timidly bit into it. His face remained monotone and considerably more irritated as he tossed it into his mouth, chewed and swallowed, and Eren waited for an Oreo miracle.

It didn't happen.

He felt it, an uncomfortable feeling crawling into his chest, suffocating him. He watched as Levi stifled something behind the back of his hand, as his chest rose with quicker breaths, and before he can die of guilt right then and there—when he realized what he'd just done, Levi had snatched his backpack and was up on his feet.

"Give me a second."

His voice had suddenly went scratchy. Eren's eyes trailed after him as he jogged to the nearest corner, disappeared around the school building." _Fuck_." Was all he could think, unconsciously biting into a knuckle until he almost drew blood, realized this and tucked his hand under his arm.

He _then_ decided to remember that sugar and asthma were polar opposites, that most of the time it triggers an allergic reaction. He was caught between losing his cool and running after Levi and not abusing his privacy.

His arm numbed. Shortly after, Levi came back and plopped down beside him with a straight face."It's absolutely gross."

"Why didn't you tell me that you...?"

"Auruo's here." He was up on his feet again as tires grated to a halt, and Eren was left wallowing guilt on his own. 

-

Eren was only partially listening to Armin, interest rising here and there. His attention would soon significantly decline and he'd stare off blankly ahead as Armin leaned into him excitedly and physicically shook him out of his trance."Eren, are you listening?"

"Yeah?" He blinked, gazed at Armin for a moment and fixed a loose tendril of hair that messily fell on his bangs, and Armin adorably waited for him to finish.

"I thought you wanted to hear about this stuff."

"I do." He sighed."But we're in school."

 "Promise they don't have cameras in the library. Anyway, you know how I told you about, all the downsides to soulbinding and stuff? They kind of went out of control, so they banned it."

"Went out of control? I thought it was a laboratory experiment thing."

"Well, yeah, but genetic hitches and other physical or emotional deformations were something they just, couldn't go over and perfect. Birthmarks, for instance. The loss of ability to see color, the complete _dependence_ of one soul on the other." Armin hums, leans back into the leather couch."The most recent—and by recent I mean couple hundred years ago, the reoccurring trend were health issues. It wasn't...just discoloration or strange marks any more."

Eren tilted his head the blond's way, brow furrowed in thought as he'd only caught the end of that sentence."Health issues."

"Since they hadn't really perfected the entire process, the development they'd reached back then was severely flawed. Like, creating a bond results in an imbalance—one becomes strong and dependent, as if leeching on the other, and the said other is born with many deficiencies because of this imbalance. It was a matter of finding that mate, of realization, too, in all honesty...unfortunately, most of the weaklings die long before they find their mate."

"But then—Why is it—Why would they...?" Eren threw his head back with a groan, hand lossely gripping a section of his hair."That's it. Don't even, I can't process this."

Armin fixed his eyes on him again, eyebrows raised as he gnawed on his bottom lip. Eren identified it as a gesture of ambivalence."You want to say something?"

"Does this at all...?" He began tentatively."You have heterochromia."

"I'm aware." Eren says in slight annoyance, turning his head away.

"Heterochromia is...practically null by now." Armin pushes, as if trying to make a severely indirect point."All of those—slight genetic flaws."

"Go ahead and call it a deformity."

"Eren, you know what I mean." Another conflicted look dawned on his face, and he took a moment this time."You know...Levi's really sick."

"What are you getting at?" Eren asks in genuine confusion.

"I think we should get to class."

"You didn't answer my question."

Armin gathers his books and high tails it in a very suspicious manner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *gets severe and unhealthy inspiration* Yuss finally I figured out how to break all your hearts.


	6. Chipped paint

"Come on, Eren." Armin pressed for the millionth time that minute, and Eren shrugged uncomfortably.

"You go do it."

"I can't go invite him to _your_ house, are you stupid?"

"Of course you can. Hey, we're chillin' at Eren's house, wanna come? Besides, what happened to the no bringing rich kids to our humble middle classed life rule?"

"He doesn't care, Eren, I can tell."

The brunet snorted."Of course you can." Mikasa didn't say anything, because if she would, then it would be 'fuck Levi why do you two even care about him'. Eren gave her a small glance."Mikasa, can you?"

"It's not like you're asking him on a date or anything. You two are so chicken." She rolled her eyes, crossed the few strides to Levi's locker and Eren braced himself. Was Mikasa really doing this willingly?

"Hey." She says blankly, and he turns to her and just blinks unresponsively."Eren wants me to ask if you could come over to his place right now."

"Fuck."

"Told you to do it yourself."

Eren smiles awkwardly when Levi sends a look his way. Mikasa looks more like she'd beat him up then invite him to hangout."I don't know, I have homework to do..."

"Psh. We all do. We have the same classes, don't we? Don't worry, Eren's the only lazy ass in our group."

"Hey!" Eren blurts indignantly, and the two make their way towards Levi in the end."Why are you such a bitch?" Mikasa twists his ear so hard he squeaks an apology, and Armin laughs a little.

"We're taking the ten minute walk to his house, since it's really close."

"Okay." Levi says tentatively, still looking hesitant. Eren beams.

It was funny because they all wanted to walk side by side, but hogging the street was not an option. The whole walk was filled with Levi being crowded with two over excited boys, pushing Mikasa out of the way, getting pushed by Mikasa out of the way, and Levi's offers of walking behind being put down severely. They kept a pace fit for Levi, did it as subtly as they could, and soon he was overwhelmed with all the gushing and crowding and playful fights and _damn_ all the attention, that by the time they reached their destination it was the most hangout he'd had in years. 

Levi eyed the already warm looking house in it's very cared for lawn, the flower beds on either side of the porch, a sprinkler wetting the clean cut grass. The outer walls were painted in soft pastels, the roof bright and the small hints of chipped paint here and there gave it a satisfying air of full usage. He surveyed the slightly bent edge of the mosquito mesh guard on the screen door, wondered why it was so nice to have hints of imperfection when he compared it to the slick marble walls of his home.

"Mooom." Eren shouted in a sing song tone as he noisily stepped inside and carelessly kicked of his shoes. Armin stopped to take off his and neatly slide it to a corner, Mikasa also kicked hers off but placed them by Armin's. 

Levi, observant, did the same, actions timid as if afraid of breaking a custom he wasn't aware of. 

"I'm sorry for the lack of butlers." Eren says good naturedly over his shoulder, and Levi rolled his eyes at that. 

"I won't judge you, idiot." He followed a bit stiffly, eyeing the signs of life everywhere, the unprofessional but personalized touches of the kitchen, the homey couches and light flooding in through the large windows, watched a bit incredulously as they all fought for the comfortable looking chair in the corner, Armin being shoved a foot away first and foremost, Mikasa sitting on it and pressing a foot to Eren's chest to keep their distance.

"You always get to sit there!" He brattily whined, Armin giggling at Levi's expression. The blond patted the empty seat beside him and Levi dropped his backpack by the wall and joined him. Eren sat in Mikasa's lap defiantly and she glared at him for a minute before pushing him off.

Eren resigns and sits on the other side of Levi.

"Where's your mom?"

"No idea." The brunet pulls out his phone, as if remembering, and text spams his mother. 

"Eren, will you stop, I'm upstairs." Came his irritated response, and he grinned. 

"Are you guys hungry?"

"Sort of." Armin scratched his cheek.

"Nope." Mikasa says with a pop of her lips.

"I'm hungry."

"You're always hungry, Eren." 

"Moom." He whined again, and Levi laughed despite himself. What a needy brat.

"I didn't forget about you, there's food on the stove." Carla called.

"God, I love you." He skidded to the kitchen, Armin gave their guest an apologetic look."Moooom."

"What now?"

"Come meet Levi." Eren came back with a mouthful of pasta.

"Don't make this awkward."

"It's not awkward." Eren shrugged, but Levi was already feeling the awkward. 

"I'll be down in a minute."

"Guys, come let's EAT." Armin got up and followed, Mikasa did so reluctantly, dragged Levi with her to the kitchen. Rich kid problems. Going to a non rich kid's house feeling like you have to follow an unspoken code and it sucks if you have no idea what this code is.

"Le entree." Eren drawled out the 'r', took a seat, and did a few ballet hand motions telling Levi to do the same.

"I'm done with your shit, Eren." After picking at his food in his usual lack of appetite, meeting Carla, and watching the trio in their odd ways, he decided to send his old man a text because he knew Auruo would forget to tell him. Not that he was home anyway. Not that it mattered if he was home and Levi wasn't there.

He sends him a simple 'I'm at a friends house', as expected, doesn't get an answer for an hour.

'Who?'

Levi snorts. _Glad you care._ 'Eren.'

'Eren who'

What the fuck was wrong with him today?

'Jaeger, I think.' 

In another minute, he's getting multiple, strange and pissed texts if he could figure out from the amount of times he swore. 'What the fucking hell are you doing there' and 'Auruo's coming to pick you up you get out of there right fucking now'

Levi, mood soured as well, couldn't help retorting. 'Oh, you care now, don't you'

'you little bitch what are you doing there' 

It was like he'd told him he was at a prestigious whorehouse or something. 'what's wrong with you'

'you get your ass home and i'll tell you'

"I thought we said we'd be doing homework." Mikasa finally brings up, and Eren rolls his eyes.

"Technically, you're not at home."

"Very funny, Eren."

"I'm leaving."

"What?' Eren looked like he was just kicked."It hasn't even been two hours."

"I'm a bit busy today." He lied, his frustration choking him slightly and making it hard to sound casual."I'll go down and wait for Auruo."

Auruo was already down there, pale with lips sealed. It only took Kenny's aggravation to make him speed up, and Levi already felt dread curling at the pit of his stomach as he took a seat."What is it?" He asks, although already knowing the answer.

Auruo's jaw clenched as they pulled out."Where've you been?"

"I don't know, what the fuck, a friend's house."

"Definitely not any friends house." Auruo says in a sense of finality, providing no further explanation. Levi nearly had another attack by the time they'd pulled into the driveway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dannng shit's going to hit the fan


	7. Shatter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't read the manga so I'm sorry if Kenny is portrayed shitty, all I know is that he's an asshole and has no mouth filter.

It was funny how, for once, he didn't want Auruo to leave him on his own. He stood in the cold foyer and watched him grumble under his breath and leave, subconsciously gnawing on the inside of his cheek. The scrape of his shoes against the floor was too loud in the silence, the thud of his backpack hitting the floor made him flinch. 

He didn't flip when people called him the son of Kenny Ackerman because the lack of 'adoptive' bothered him to that extent. It was just that he wasn't sure when the man had earned the title of father in the first place. He wasn't bothered because Eren is accusing his guardian of being in the mafia, he was angry because he didn't know the truth himself. He knew there were guns scattered carelessly about, he found one in the kitchen drawer, under a desk in the study. People looking Hollywood suspicious flooded in and out of the hall, the dining room, but he couldn't identify the purpose of a single one, never sat in front of the man and asked him what they were doing at their house, where he'd been all week, where he'd flew off to, why he had to walk around with bodyguards once they'd reached a certain neighborhood.  They occasionally sat stiffly in front of each other during dinner, maybe once a year, and the rest was communicated through vulgar and almost resentful text messages.

And now? Levi curled and uncurled a fist as he made his way down the hallway, aware of sweat collecting at the back of his neck.  His breathing was becoming increasingly irritating and shallow, and he willed it down, willed it down in frustration. The study door was opened a crack, and he momentarily grimaced at the billow of smoke that slapped him in the face as he stepped inside.

He stood there for ten seconds and he already felt the smell of nicotine weighing him down. 

"Where were you?"

"What are you on?" He counters, choking on the smoke. The windows are shut too tight and the smoke is killing him, but Kenny doesn't seem too influenced to put out the poison he was inhaling."I can't breathe."

"Oh?"

"Funny I should tell you this." 

He twists the cigarette in his fingers again and continues glowering at him through a half sneer, and Levi stifles a cough, resists his weakness defiantly. There's already a labored rattle in the rise of his chest and he can't trust himself for too long.

He flicked it again, tossed it carelessly on the polished hardwood. He then toed it with a sleek black shoe, the fancy kind he never took off, but then again when did he ever take of his business apparel?

"Eren Jaeger, huh?"

"Murdered your father or something?"

"Still don't understand what the bloody fuck you were doing there."

Levi narrowed his eyes incredulously, resisted punching him in the mouth. "Tell me your issue with him."

"Where'd you find him?"

"He's my classmate."

"Fucking." He tossed his head back, scratched at his beard in annoyance. Levi, still as lost as a thirty minutes ago, remained silent. Kenny impatiently tapped his foot, face twisted in thought. He then leaned out of his chair with a sudden look in his eye."Your phone."

Levi wasn't sure what that was.

"Give it to me."

He wasn't in the mood. He really wasn't. Fishing for the said device in his pocket, he slid it out and tossed it to him. He caught it, didn't make a move to open it."Gave him your number?"

A rigid hum of affirmation.

He sat there another moment, fingers digging into his jaw. Levi grimaced in annoyance when he hurled it at the window, when the glass shattered and crumbled to the floor in large chunks."Pack whatever you want, we're leaving." He got up abruptly, Levi watched him plow through the door with a baffled expression. 

"Where to?" He said before he could leave.

"The other side of the world." 

"But I'm only halfway through the semester." He says thoughtlessly, that was the last of his worries, it was just on the tip of his tongue and his frustration had built up into copious amounts by now. He was sick of this instability. Sick of losing friends.

"We're leaving." He says again, and Levi isn't aware of his skin breaking until he realized he was digging his nails too deep into his palm. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How much do you want to bet that Kenny was present when they were being soulbinded or something


	8. No pain

Eren didn't know why he felt bad the entire time, like he'd done something wrong and made Levi leave. Like, the guy did say he didn't want to come in the first place. He texted him a few apologies, but didn't get any response back. Armin told him not to worry.

"Are you hurting?" Armin asks the next morning when he took the brunet in, and even Mikasa eyed him a second too long.

"I'm always in pain." Eren drawls dramatically, flopping down beside his blond friend."Just in more pain than usual."

"Like, your pain, or Levi pain?"

Eren paused a moment to consider that, and laughed despite himself."This shit's ridiculous. My pain or Levi's. It's always Levi's pain." He scratched at his jaw in thought."You think I did something?"

"No. I'm pretty sure if he didn't want to come he wouldn't cave in."

"I still feel bad."

"Talk to him today or something."

"Can we _please_ talk about something other than Levi for once?" Mikasa muttered under her breath.

"Nevah!"

"Shithead."

-

Levi was never late. Or absent. Or something of the sorts, he was a time obsessed freak. Eren decided he'll be there by second block, when he couldn't find him in English. Or maybe by lunch break, but he didn't come then either.

What worried Eren more was that the pain subdued. Funny enough, he'd gotten used to those small pangs and odd feelings lingering about him always, but now he simply felt a thing of discomfort at the pit of his stomach, and everything else was fine. He didn't like it one bit. 

Levi didn't respond to his texts, or pick up his calls, and in the end he felt like he was being too clingy—so he just sat back and let things happen. The first day. The second day. And the third. He was sprawled on his bed, grieving over his physics homework, when his text tone went off. Of course, he sought this escape instantaneously. 

He couldn't recognize the number, but he did recognize the punctuation. _'I'm in France.'_

He stared at that one for a minute, cranking his brain to it's highest levels but the attempt was fruitless. Who's in France? It can't be his dad, only last week he said he was in California. 

 _'I'm sorry for leaving abruptly._ ' Followed by. _'I had a good time, thank you.'_

He grins in excitment, a relieved "Levi," escaping his lips. His fingers flew over the keyboard, hovered over the send button. He read the next text a couple of times.

_'Please don't text back.'_

Eren defiantly finished his text, nearly sent it, but huffed and stopped. Don't text back. Simple. Of course he could, then apologize later. He didn't think Levi would appreciate that much. 

He saved the number, restlessly waited for anything more to come. Fuck, why was he acting like this, it was just a barely-friend that's more of an acquaintance than anything. What was he suddenly doing in France? Why leave school?

What did he even know about the dude, maybe his father's work circumstances required moving around a lot. Eren snapped himself out of the waiting state and tried to put his focus elsewhere. Another fruitless attempt, especially when he stared at his phone every minute for thirty seconds.

So that he doesn't look anymore clingy and obsessed, he dropped the topic. Week after week the school halls were still bare, he didn't get any knew messages from a certain number, and it was soon really easy to miss his absence. Like, hey, remember when that one ill dude was in our school? I think his name ended with Ackerman. 

Eren slowly began feeling less and less, replaced the strange twinges of pain with airiness, energy, health. He was back to having his pain all to himself, like Armin would jokingly say. It almost felt like he wasn't supposed to. But sometimes, it came back. It was faint, but it came back. Eren never really could figure out why he cared so much.

Maybe he just missed it. 

-

Levi had found a small piece of paper folded to the size of his thumb, stuck in the bottom of a pocket in a well worn pair of jeans. It had Eren's number on it, and he was both extremely elated at that moment and frightened—nearly tossed it away but decided to send something harmless first.

He later regretted sending it. Why would Eren care? He probably never sent anything back because it didn't concern him much. There wasn't any reason for him to.

He'd come back here, where he was a few years ago. Isabel and Farlan aren't there anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *bangs head against wall* Severe lack of inspiration killing me


	9. Linger

It wasn't difficult to meld back into his old life, especially since he'd been used to it more than anything else—but that never meant he liked it. It was unfortunate they moved back into the same mansion, the one he'd gotten lost in everyday as a child, the one with walls too high and mirrors and glass and reflections everywhere, the one with dark corners and not enough lighting even with glittering chandeliers. Back into his room, his massive bed, his massive walls. He never could and still couldn't stare at the ceiling, it was too black and intimidating and deep and when he lay there at night he did under a pile of blankets, his heart thudding in his ears. The bed was always bone chilling cold. 

There was the den connected to his bedroom, the one lined with a terrifying advance of electronics that Farlan and Isabel used to their full potential. The couch still had remnants of their warm smiles, there was even a mess on the coffee table that hadn't been touched since they'd mussed it up, and just stepping foot in there made Levi's heart ache. He couldn't find any way to stay in touch with them anymore.

He didn't want to do the same with Eren. Despite himself, he sat in his bed in daylight, faced the blinding windows and pretended he wasn't there anymore. It wasn't like he marked the date and waited for it, but his phone's lock screen did display a big fat March 30. Eren had briefly mentioned it to him before.

His better judgment told him to stop in case Kenny found out and made this hell worse. His mind was doing a thing of it's own, though. 

_'Happy birthday, Eren.'_

He stared at the text he sent blankly, wishing there was a way he could make this communication double sided. But suddenly, his pulse quickened, a strange feeling of happiness gushed in his chest, and he smiled despite himself again. It wasn't his own feeling, but it would do. 

-

Eren, despite himself, was incredibly happy with the small text he received. Wow, Levi remembered. Levi cared. He'd almost been able to be rid of that strange feeling that left him up all night, that gave him headaches and made him feel partially unstable. He was really missing something.

To his utter horror, his left eye was undergoing a rapid transformation. He woke up one morning, _saw_ the amber color crawl through green and halt at the edges. His eye looked even more disgusting. A splatter of yellow running from his pupil, green and dark teal staining and bleeding through. Even his other eye wasn't much of a beauty, it looked different depending on the illumination, was a murky mixture of blue and green, like the edge of an ocean. He wished his eyes were a pure blue like Armin's. Or mabye a defined gray as Mikasa's, or brown and stable enough as Sasha's. 

He wasn't the only one to notice. He was throwing a fit in the morning about miss Hitch, Armin was ignoring him with a smile, but gave him a second glance and his eyes widened a fraction. 

Eren stopped, blinking at Armin in confusion.

"Your eye."

Eren was about to grimace with the reminder.

"It's glowing gold."

-

Levi had considerably been healthier in the past month where he was in the states, the healthiest he's been in years. Only a week prior, he hadn't been able to get out of bed, and his fainting spells were returning a lot more often then he would've liked.

His doctor, or any doctor that's had him checked up, shrugged at his case."It's asthma, I guess." Of course it is."His weakness makes no sense."

So Levi in terms of human science should be a healthy, capable human being. Kenny didn't try to delve in the matter much, he left it at that. Levi never had felt inclined to do anything about it, his illness was present at all stages of his life.

But now, now—it was like he was realizing this flaw for the first time. He nearly ripped his IV out when it accompanied him again. Being given a chance to stand on his own to feet, to attend a school, to make friends, have a slight bit of freedom and then returning to this horrid place again—he wasn't sure if he'd be able to handle it. Wasn't sure if he had any ability to stop it. 

At least he had his old doctor again. She was nice. A bit crazy, but a nice contrast. 

Well. Hello again, France. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry lots of POV switching ;-; Eren shut up you're beautiful.


	10. timeless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's sorta weird, idk.

Time doesn't only fly by when it's fun, but when it's absolutely unproductive and meaningless. Here they were, a month away from graduating and Eren still had his game going. If it weren't for Armin and Mikasa he would've dropped out a _long_ time ago.

He'd failed about all of his physics tests, got a decent mark on one because Mikasa fed him five tons of coffee and drilled test material into his brain all night, somehow passed math 30-1 because Armin caved in and texted him all the answers during his unit retake. 

He'd forgotten about everything during these packed few weeks of school, somehow agreed to go on a date because apparently he needed de-stress girlfriend material, broke up with her not even three days after Mikasa hooked them up. The first day was spent exploring her tasteless cavern of a mouth and absolutely destroying his first kiss expectations, ruining her moussed hair, and the next two were ignoring her endless texts in favor of much needed sleep. He kicked her to the curb on Monday with not an ounce of remorse.

He'd transformed into an insensitive jerk, bigger than Jean, even, in a matter of months. But _girls_ , really. He didn't have time for them, he already had enough head and heart ache. 

Armin still had a strange notion about something Eren couldn't put his finger on, but it seemed like it was the cause of all Eren's problems. It was like he knew something, _hell_ , everything, Eren should've known.

Oh, you're heterochromia's turning into an unstoppable, obvious bitch? Knew that. Oh, you have near heart attacks now, and those small twinges were old? Psh, also knew that.

You feel _wholly_ incomplete? Tell me about it, Eren.

So much had changed, and not even for the better, that Eren has a hard time knowing himself anymore. His eyes were a brown now, contacts or not, for all anyone cared. It wasn't like there was anything odd about the color change.

Levi, he'd forgotten about. But the more he tries to forget, the more he hurts, like a painful and insistent reminder to never forget. 

-

The silence, it was always prevalent. It was the type of silence that brought inevitable and undelayed insanity. And the walls, the walls, the dark walls.

If it weren't for Hanji's constant intrusion, the echo of her voice that bounced along, Levi would be in a different type of comatose right now. Of the mind, the soul, the feeling. She was such a well known, well educated doctor, had a contagious whimsical air and treated Levi like she knew every little cause of his pain, but like she barely saw through a thin layer of it.

She wasn't dumbfounded by his weakness, by his immunity drops, by his blood insufficiency. By his not-so-asthma, by everything that made him the ill and troublesome child he was. She knew how to remedy every current and small pain, was aware of the different states he fell in whenever a certain something happens on the other side of the world.

The hot discomfort running through his body one day, the vigor another, the other silent days. She always asks about the states.

"Meet anyone there?" She inquires as she measures his blood pressure.

He takes a moment to consider if he had the energy to talk about it."Mm."

She grins."Tell me, then."

"I enjoyed being with him while it lasted." He gives her a meek look from the corner of his eyes, and she doesn't look at him, but her smile falters. Levi had never said anything about him before.

"Eren, huh?"

Levi has never told her his name, either. But at the same time, doesn't question her all knowing attitude. He hums something of confirmation again. 

"Can't always have what you want." She says matter of factly, snapping off the sleeve from around his arm.

He doesn't want to talk much more."I don't want him."

He can't see her eyes with her glasses reflecting so much light, but the twist of her lips make him uncomfortable.

"But I think I need him."

"And _I_ think you need sleep. You do that, alright?"  

"Sick of sleeping."

"Won't be doing much of that soon." She ruffles his hair as she gets up, picking up her tools with a clumsy swipe. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sucks to your ass-mar, bae.  
> action will pick up next chapter, hopefully


	11. Tick

He felt like he was being timed.

He felt like his seconds were quickly running out. 

A month ago, he was able to stand long enough to take a satisfying shower. He even found it in himself to step down the impossible flight of stairs , see through his dizziness, and sit outside in the creaking, couch sized swing until he dozed off and Erd carried him back up to his bed.

When he woke up, he felt like he was being punched in the chest. It wasn't their fault. They didn't want him to be like this. But every time he was led back to his bed, he felt betrayed, he felt neglected. He couldn't help it.

He wondered if there was someone to occupy the space left beside him, he might feel better.

Kenny, however unpleasant, used to have a certain comforting presence. He didn't drop by as often. And if he did, his words would grate against Levi's ears, and he wants to tell him to _shut the fuck up and leave_ , but he doesn't. He endures fifteen minutes of the smoke of his cigarettes, then tells him he wants to rest. 

Kenny doesn't realize how restless he is from resting.

A week ago, he completely lost his ability to breathe on his own. A mask permanently dug into his cheeks, and Hanji visited more often. Had more fights with Kenny, they always met behind his door and started arguing about what Levi couldn't hear.

He knew, though. It was usually Hanji insisting that he was taken to a hospital, and Kenny putting her down. 

Levi hoped she wasn't getting tired of him. 

He was good on time, though. He kept track of everything, because it gave him an occupation, took away a bit of his stillness. He knew when Armin's birthday had passed. Mikasa's. _His_.

He was aware when he woke up on the day of grad, something he'd looked forward to for a painfully short amount of time. He deleted Eren's number that day. 

And after all, he knew himself better than anyone else. When his his chest seemed too tight for the expansion of his lungs, when he felt his walls caving in on him, he smelled, touched and sensed death with every ounce of his being.

_I'm going to die._

"He's going to die!" Hanji echoed from behind his door, low and angry in comparison to the meek voice inside his head."He's dying and it's all _your_ fault."

"What's your job, then?" 

"He needs to be looked after very closely. You have to check him into the hospital."

"You _lunatic_. You want to give yourself away?"

"It's not his fault." She grits, followed by a loud bang on the wall."He shouldn't have to pay."

"Why didn't you ask yourself that when you--"

"Shut up. Just--shut _up_." Silence dropped on them, engulfed Levi in long moments as he strained to hear."I'll hand myself in."

"What?"

"I'm handing myself in."

"Fucking--"

It hit, and his eyes instinctively blew up. His chest closed in on him, pain shot through his veins and it felt like the very skin of his throat was coming apart in heavy coughs. Hanji was plowing through his door in an instant.

-

Armin found him stiff on the dinner table with a bottle of painkillers in front of him, like the first time it had come, face covered with his hands. They had a pretty good night, and couldn't see what was wrong except maybe Eren eating too much pizza for his own good.

"Hey, what're you doing?" He mumbles tiredly, hovering over the brunet and setting his hands on his shoulders.

"What do you _think_ I'm doing?" Eren bitterly throws back, and Armin yawns into his hand.

"I always get lost in your house at night. Took me a while to find the bathroom." 

Eren vigorously ran his hands through his hair, kept his fingers digging into his hairline. "Armin." 

"Pain?"

"Fuck him." He inhales noisily, continues the frustrated hair rubbing."Armin, do you believe me? I swear he hurts me."

Armin didn't say anything, but his fingers tightened around his shoulders in a means of comfort.

"My blood work results came in. I'm fine. My doctor's been monitoring me for the past month. I'm _fine_."

"I know."

"You don't." Eren says through his teeth, pushing his hands away."You _don't_."

"Eren, you don't even trust me. We can't work with that."

"What do you mean?"

Armin paused for a second, fiddling with his hair as he nervously pondering a thing or two."You won't believe me if I tell you right now that--" And excrustaiting silence.

"What?"

He didn't straight out throw it in his face. There were introductory, nervous little hints, some loose ends here and there about the book, about his eyes, about Levi's sickness. Eren was getting more and more agitated by the minute.

Armin sucked it up."What if you're soulmates?"

Eren, as expected, slams a hand against his mouth, shutting his eyes in exasperation."Shut up, Armin."

"But you--"

"It ends there."

"Eren." He pries his hand away."That's the only explanation."

"That's bullshit."

"No, Eren, you don't understand. The growth limit is fifteen. Fifteen years and partner b is dead, Eren."

"Well he's almost a legal adult now." Erens shoots back in annoyance.

"You two have _met_." 

Eren stopped, gave Armin a sideways glance.

"You literally gave him that extra two years. If I'm guessing correctly, the binding type is more on a--I don't know, yoga bullshit. Mental connections, emotional connections, you know?"

Eren makes a move to interrupt, but Armin grabs his face with both hands and speaks in a tone that leaves no room for argument."You don't have time. No fucking _time_. If he dies, Eren, you'd never get over your guilt."

He saw the gold movement in his eyes, the freakish but brilliant glow, bleed behind his pupil in terror. 

"So, when are you flying to France to pull a prince on sleeping beauty?"

"Fuck." That was a _fuck_ , I believed you, _fuck_ , I'm actually going to do this, _fuck_ I have to do this quick. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....tok


	12. Can't seem to hear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I searched up French tourist facts for dumbies and hey, Strasbourg was right at the top (even though it seems an unlikely residence for shady Kenny Ackerman) but it works.
> 
> have some stupid eren for comical relief and preparation for the feels

This wasn't exactly his idea of 'last summer before college slaps ya in the face', what with a rattly second class plane ride and a fifteen minute nap full of nightmares. He didn't sleep during the flight at all after he'd gotten through about a thousand scenarios of Levi dying and the excruciating pain that follows, and with the look his seat neighbor gave him, he was probably obvious with his sleep problems. 

He sat with constant dread gnawing away at the pit of his stomach, staring out of the round window and wishing he could jump out of the plane and hope to land safely in France. Against his reason, he searched his phone for Levi's number and bombarded him with nervous, jittery texts. 

'Levi I'm sorry for texting' and 'you mind some company'

'Hey I'm almost at your doorstep'

'Wait haha I don't have your address'

 _Fuck_. Eren realized a bit too late that his service was about to cut off soon, and that he in fact, didn't have his address.

'Armin FUCK HOW DO I FIND HIM?? Is he even in Paris??'

Armin was quick to respond. 'Eren are you stupid? You're headed to Strasbourg.'

'Wait where'

'Idiot.'

'okay um house no.? hahaha fuck'

'I'm working on it. Call me once you get there.'

'yr the best'

'You bet I am.'

By the time they'd landed, he was a combination of nerves and plane sickness as he threw a duffle bag around his shoulder and dumbly winded through the airport. He called Armin as he sat on a chair in one of the numerous waiting areas.

"Hey, Eren."

"Armin did you happen to forget that _Je ne parle pas Francais_?" He growled in frustration, and the fucker had the mind to laugh at him.

"I wouldn't know, since that was some pretty fluent French."

"That's like, the only phrase I know! Including _Je suis toilet_ because of my grade six French teacher."

"Eren you just said you were a toilet."

"Whatever, man."

"I got the address."

" _How_?"

"later. Write it down."

-

He really was that clueless tourist now, with his bag on his shoulders, in his T shirt and faded sneakers, a certain address in his hands. Maybe it was luck, maybe it was mom's prayer, maybe it was the fact that this was fucking Strasbourg and was bound to have a certain German population, that the man driving his taxi was a fully fluent German, middle aged man. His own German still sucked ass as he struggled through the tongue of an American bred baby, but it definitely made him better manage than his levels of French competency. 

After Eren had given him the paper with an address he couldn't quite decipher for the life of him, and the old and caring pops bickered with him a few hundred times for going into such a shady neighborhood, they were finally driving with something that was a legitimate destination. The streets were absolutely gorgeous, the homes lined with flower pots and the screaming green lining almost every porch, the rivers, the bridges, the decayed but flowering buildings--if Eren had come during any other time he would've called this a vacation.

Thing was, he was the apparent cause of everything to everything and needed to find Levi before he was the cause of something much worse and irreversible. 

When they slowed to a stop in front of enormous black Victorian gates that beat even Sina academy's, Eren realized he wasn't ready. He stood still with an uneasy stomach as he listened to the taxi drive away, surveyed the stillness of the ancient feel the cracks in the brick gave away, the mossy edges, the flowering crevices. 

He crumbled the paper in his hand as he looked up and tried to calm his agitated senses, searched for something beyond the tangible.  

He wasn't ready for this drop in temperature. The stillness. There was no pain.

Eren stared at the ground in confusion as he gripped the front of his shirt. _No pain._

He watched as the inner doors opened after he'd rung the doorbell, and after a ginger made her way across the impossibly large span of lush grass and waters. She didn't open the door for him, checked him over through the intricate black metal. 

"Oui, monsieur?" 

Shit. He wracks his brain for a moment, doesn't come up with anything useful."Do you speak English, by any chance?"

"Might as well. You do look a bit confused." Was her fully fluent response, and Eren sighed in relief."How can I help you?"

"Is this the Ackerman residence?"

"Yes." She answers tentatively, eyes slightly suspicious.

"Oh. Good. I was wondering if I could see Levi?"

She laughs."You can't just...expect to come by and _see Levi_."

Eren scowls when he feels her mocking tone."Look this is really important, I can't--" He paused when he heard the screech of tires behind him, promptly threw a look over his shoulder. A sleek black car halted in the driveway and Eren practically beamed when the driver stepped out.

"Auruo, thank _god_."

The said man gave a confused look as he pulled his cigarette out of his lips."Do I know you?"

"Please do." Eren says, exasperated.

"Oh." His lips twitched in a sneer." _You_. Wait, weren't you in the states?"

"Where's Levi?" He interjects impatiently."Can I see him?"

There's a look of surprise on his face that quickly dissolves into his usual old man mean face as he inhaled his tobacco."Shit, kid. Don't ask me."

"What?"

"He ain't here. In the hospital right now."

Eren, for some reason, wasn't too surprised."Take me there, will you? I'll pay you."

"Psh." He snorts, Eren assuming at that last part."I just dropped em off. Kid isn't lasting for too long." He cracks a few knuckles tiredly, and Eren waits with bated breath, for what, he wasn't sure.

"Auruo, please--"

He shakes his head."What'd you come here for? They were setting up those things--the electric irons or whatever." He puffed his smoke languidly, stretched his neck a bit."He's dead."

Eren wasn't quite processing it right as he watched him slip back in his car, say something to the girl behind the gates and shut his door. Eren refused to believe. It wasn't the few hundred dollars he'd spent on the flight, it wasn't this summer going to waste that beat on him and made him _refuse_ with a frustrated turmoil. It was that space dug up in his heart, the breath that mingled with his own but wasn't his. 

It was the thought of living with only a meager part of himself that destroyed him at that moment. 

Auruo grunts in surprise when he slips into the passenger seat."Take me there.  _Don't_ even argue." He must've sounded on an edge, a high and unstable edge because Auruo didn't emit a single protest.

He couldn't see past the sickening, opaque yellow blinding his vision, squeezed his eyes shut when he physically felt the molten of his worst fears bleed through again. No pain. No _heartbeat_. 

No. There was still a small twinge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the inactivity--I won't be having internet for a while and this is just a pre written chapter that I tweaked a bit. Hopefully I can update a few other fics, but I really do apologize for the inconvenience. I know the 'frick you author, updaaaaate' feel.
> 
> *muah*


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